Barely Breathing
by Lexi Derecks
Summary: (Highschool AU) Tenth grade brought along new surprises, new issues, new drama, and maybe a new crush. But having a crush on your best bro is never a good sign, especially not under these circumstances. (John x FTM Dave)
1. Chapter 1

Life is weird, the people you could meet and the little things they could do to change your life. Such is so in the lives of John Egbert and Dave Strider.

John was always relatively normal, though more than a bit on the nerdy side. He was average height, had average hair, average glasses, an average house, and an average dad. His life was in every aspect of the word, average.

Dave on the other hand, not so much. Dave was a bit taller than John, with almost unnaturally light skin and hair. He had a far less than average upbringing, courtesy of his brother. His life was a plethora of irony, a collection of oddity, a never ending vortex of insanity, and that was frankly how he liked it. And although he put out a general aura of coolness, even Dave had his insecurities, the most prominent being the fact of what was held within his pants, for no matter how much ace bandage he wrapped around his chest or how manly he acted, he could not seem to change the fact that biologically he was more so a _she._

And though it may have seemed illogical, these two had somehow managed to, over the years, become best friends, though neither of them were really sure how it had happened. Dave always claimed that he had chosen John from a selection of many nerds for a biology project partner, only to find that John and he actually got along quite well. John, however, generally seemed to think the story more so went that he had chosen Dave as his parter because everyone in the class was intimidated by him. Though in all honesty, how they got to this point doesn't really matter, it's just that they did.

It was currently their tenth grade year, a big turning point for the both of them. John, who had only recently (finally) hit puberty, had sprung up, finally reaching a height greater than Dave's. Not only had he grown taller, but most indefinitely _hotter, _at least by most girls' standards. Dave, on the other hand, had also been experiencing the effects of puberty, though the puberty fairy was not nearly as kind to him as he would have wished. Instead of growing taller or becoming more manly, his body had done what it was biologically programmed to do. His chest and hips had decided to run the show and it seemed as though overnight he had gone from stick-like and thin to, well, flat out womanly.

These effects didn't fare over well with Dave, causing only more issues when attempting to fit naturally into male clothes. Ace wrap no longer seemed to flatten his chest nearly as well as it had in the years previous, and the straight-cut of men's jeans no longer seemed to rest right on his hips. Thankfully, chest binders weren't terribly hard to find or terribly expensive, and with one quick order from Amazon, that problem was glazed over for now. Looser jeans seemed to help in the hip area, and didn't highlight too terribly the increase in curves.

So by the start of the tenth grade year, Dave had continued to keep everything under wraps (quite literally) and John had finally managed to attract some attention from the opposite gender (though didn't seem to know why.)


	2. Chapter 2

First Day

The first day of school: a day for either dread or rejoice, and as of currently, Dave was feeling a bit of both. His generally tight knit group of friends had been split up for the majority of the summer. Rose off at some fancy resort in some fancy European country for nearly all of break, Jade off to some science camp since school had ended, and John on a cruise for the past 5 weeks of summer. So yes, Dave was rather excited to see his friends, because no matter how cool his brother was, he didn't quite make up for having actual people his own age around.

But fear was also creeping up on Dave. He still wasn't exactly sure how authentically male he looked to other people. Sure, when he looked in the mirror he saw a guy, but what about other people? He had moved into his current school district only three years previous, and thanks to his brother being the best bro ever, he had been enrolled as male. For three years he had convinced his friends, teachers, and other students that he was biologically what he felt like, but what if that ended this year when he wasn't as tall or as bulked out as the other guys? What if someone caught sight of the binder? What then?

But Dave forced these thoughts from his mind. He was cool. Girls had always liked him, and he always seemed like a guy. None of that would change this year. Anyway, in a few months he would start taking T and then all these problems would get better, or at least he hoped so.

On the morning of his first day back to school, Dave walked alone in the cool, crisp autumn air just thinking about the possible outcomes of the days and months ahead of him. School had never really been his forte, and having barely scraped through the ninth grade, he was a bit worried about how he planned to barely scrape through tenth. Whatever though, if he copied his friends' homework he could pull through all his classes and maybe even pull some solid Cs.

Before too long, he had arrived at the big brick and concrete prison commonly referred to as a "school." He slung his backpack lazily over his shoulder and walked up the tall concrete steps, ignoring the giggling girls and brain-dead jocks conversing over whatever it is that they talk about. Walking down the hallway, he caught bits and pieces of conversations, none of which were interesting. Most of them were about kissing boyfriends or getting laid. Boring stuff, normal stuff. Stuff Dave never really cared about.

Eventually he got to his newly assigned locker in the 10th grade hallway. Shoving his backpack inside, he pulled his crumpled schedule from his pocket. First hour: geometry. Gross. He glanced around to see if he could spot any of his friends, but before he really got a chance the bell rang and the entire hall seemed to surge in all directions, everyone scrambling to find their new classes. Dave quickly became part of the crowd, pushing his way down the hall to the geometry classroom. Eventually he made his way through the mob to the room, and shoved his way in.

The teacher in the room was a fat, middle aged woman with more facial hair than most of the guys in the grade. Dave decided she wasn't important, and sat down in the back of the room, in the chair closest to the door. He tapped his pencil as students flooded in. He knew Jade and Rose wouldn't be in this class. They had both doubled up the year previous and finished out algebra 2 and geometry. Something about wanting more advanced courses in high school. They both cared so much... John was still a possibility, but as students filled the room and the tardy bell rang, the hopes of sharing the class with anyone he actually _liked _seemed to evaporate.

The teacher pried herself up from the chair, groans both from her and the poor, abused chair seemed to echo through the quiet room. Dave rolled his eyes and began doodling in his notebook as she explained about the curriculum and what all they would be doing in the school year to come. Dave was sure she had introduced herself somewhere in her speech, but he hadn't been paying nearly enough attention to have actually noticed. Her monotonous drone continued on for what seemed like a small infinity, and already in the first day Dave seemed to be having problems not falling asleep in class, though his classmates seemed to be having the same problem as well.

As his eyes began to droop, the door beside him swung open, pulling Dave into consciousness. "Sorry I'm late!" said a familiar voice. Dave glanced over, quickly taking his eyes back to his doodling before looking back in utter shock. _Was that John? _Dave thought. The teacher excused his lateness, being as it was only the first day, and he sat down in front of Dave. Before long, the teacher had returned to her droning, and a note fell on Dave's desk.

_hey Dave! _It read.

Yeah, that was John, Dave recognized his handwriting, as well as the stupid light blue pen he insisted on taking all his notes with. Jesus, the puberty train had hit that boy hard.

_hey dude _Dave wrote back using the red pen he'd been doodling with. He quietly handed the note back to John, hoping the whale in the front of the room wouldn't notice.

Before long, the paper returned to his desk. _so, how was summer?_

_fine _Dave wrote before handing the note back.

_the cruise was awesome! i'll tell you all about it later! anyway, what's your next hour?_

Dave didn't write a reply, he just pulled the already tattered schedule from his pocket and handed it up to John. When his schedule returned to his desk, five of the eight classes on it were circled with the note at the bottom "those are the classes we share!"

The rest of the class went by slowly, the period dragging on like molasses. Their note passing was stopped abruptly about halfway through the class by the mammoth teacher taking their note. She stared at it so hungrily Dave wondered if she was planning on eating it, but alas she only threw it away. For the rest of the class John sat in silence while Dave attempted to nap, though his thoughts seemed to be less concerned with sleeping and far more concerned with trying to discreetly look at his best bro. He wasn't sure why, but the way the muscles in his shoulders moved under his t shirt as he fidgeted in his seat, the way the back of his hair was lightly messed up, the way he was so casually perfect, Dave couldn't keep his eyes off of him. And by the end of the class, Dave couldn't help but be a little glad that he didn't actually have a penis.

**Ok guys this is my first actual fanfiction that's been multiple chapters and whatnot. Anyway, I really appreciate any reviews and if I'm getting any of this trans stuff wrong I'd really appreciate some constructive criticism. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! **


	3. Chapter 3

When the end of the hour rolled around and the harsh scream of the bell once again echoed through the halls of the school, Dave couldn't have been happier. Next on the good ol schedule: Physical Education, the class he had been the most dreading, not so much due to lack of athletic ability, but more so because of having to change in front of other guys. He regretted not having taken it the year previous, given that he only needed one credit in PE to graduate and that last year it was far easier to pass for biologically male. Not only had the binder now become a permanent part of getting dressed, but an undershirt as well, to cover up his cover up. The layers were far from comfortable, and he couldn't help but worry what the other guys would think about the undershirt when they were changing. Would they think he was hiding something? Maybe they would. Of course, they would be right.

He made his way to his locker, taking his sweet time. He hadn't walked with John, he'd been in way too much of a hurry for Dave to bother with. As he grabbed his Nike athletic bag from his locker, he noticed the familiar blond, bobbed hair across the hall. Rose, it seemed. She had seemed to have grown up a lot over summer as well. Taller, more shapely. Similar to what Dave himself had gone through, except she had no reason to hide her newly attained figure. He considered talking to her, but she seemed pretty into texting someone, and he decided to go on to the gym.

Checking his schedule again, Dave noticed that this was another of the classes circled in blue pen. One of the five he shared with John. That was a damn good thing too, because judging by the douche bags crowding in the gym, he essentially hated everyone else in the place. By the time Dave made his way to the locker room, most everyone had cleared out, John included. There was a scrawny, nerdy kid who Dave didn't really know still pulling his gym shorts on over his "Dungeons and Dragons" themed boxers, but he didn't really assume the kid was going to be much of a problem.

Dave quickly slipped out of his loose, black jeans and white t shirt, pulling his navy blue and gold school gym clothes on. He had gotten them a week previous, when he had chosen his classes. He thought they were hideous then and he still thought so now. Far too tacky for his tastes, and the way the golden shorts seemed to practically shimmer seemed a bit flamboyant. Walking back up the concrete steps that led down to the locker room, he acknowledged how hideously all the other guys were dressed. The room looked like a package of golden glitter had exploded, and it was horrible.

The mass of roughly forty guys seemed to be moving against itself, pushing and joking and yelling and being generally obnoxious. Dave kept himself away from that, he never was much one for being rough like that. Glancing over at the bleachers, he noticed the scrawny boy from the locker room pulling on a pair of Adidas sneakers. Looking back over to the crowd, quickly scanning for John with no luck, he decided this kid was gonna be more interesting than anyone else this class seemed to be offering.

Dave made his way over to where the guy was sitting, casually plopping himself down next to him. "Hey dude," he said, coolly. Though he didn't say anything with much volume, or emotion for that matter, he seemed to have shocked the poor kid in pulling him out of his thought.

"H-hey," the boy said, stuttering. Dave had no idea who this guy was, and much less of an idea why he thought it would be a good idea to talk to him. He looked like a total goober, but hey, John had too before summer rolled around. Before Dave had much of a chance to reply to the poor guy, the late bell rang through the gym, temporarily silencing the class of boys. After an almost eerie moment of silence, the roar of guys yelling reclaimed the gym.

"Sup ma-" Dave started, attempting to continue the conversation he had started, only to be rudely interrupted again, but this time by the shrill screaming of the coaches whistle.

"Alright ladies, line up!" yelled the pot bellied coach. He didn't seem much of the athletic type, wearing the same shimmery golden shorts the rest of the class wore paired with a blue football shirt, plastered with the names of players and the school's mascot, a ram, all in gold of course. "I'm gonna be your coach this year," he continued on. "I'm coach Allgood, and you will refer to me as such, that clear?" he screamed out at them. The class slowly nodded, looking around at each other. Coach Allgood was well known through the school system. An over-enthusiastic sports fan with an obsession for winning tied into what could only be drug induced insanity. The man was a nutcase.

"All right then, ten laps!" he yelled, a collective groan served as a response as the class slowly began jogging around the gym. Most of the athletic guys in the class seemed to take it way too seriously, pushing themselves to get the laps done in under a minute. Now, Dave wasn't necessarily unathetic, but running in circles with a bunch of sweaty meat heads wasn't on his to-do list, so instead of putting forth the effort to get done in a timely fashion, he chose more of a fast walk. He had made nearly four laps around the gym when he noticed the majority of the class had already finished, including a rather sweaty looking John Egbert. Oh hell no, Egbert wasn't going to show him up on the first fucking day back. Taking John's done-ness as a personal offense, Dave quickly sprinted the rest of the track, only breaking a sweat around the ninth. He joined the mass of sweaty jocks who had finished before him and watched the minority of unathletic kids attempting to jog around the gym.

Eventually everyone finished the assigned 10 laps, and at that Coach Allgood looked up from his phone. "Ok then, out!" He yelled, pointing to the door on the opposite side of the gym. "For the next 30 minutes you're gonna be playing kick ball outside." A collective yell rang out from the group of overly buff guys as they raced outside, pushing and shoving all the way. Dave chose again to stay in the back and walked far behind.

John, on the other hand, had seemed almost excited to get outside. Weird, out of character for him, but whatever. Dave shrugged it off, because it really was nothing.

"Uh h-hey," a familiar, quiet voice chimed. Glancing to his right, Dave noticed the smaller nerd from the beginning of class had been walking with him, and he couldn't help but wonder how long the boy had been by his side, waiting for Dave to initiate something before he finally spoke up.

"Yo dude," Dave replied. "Sup?"

"Not much," the small boy replied, almost in a frightened manner, as if he thought Dave was going to harm him. "You're Dave, like, Dave Strider, right?" he asked.

Dave held back a smirk. "Yeah, that's me," he replied. "And you?"

"Oh, um, I'm Tavros. Tavros Nitram. I'm kinda, um, new here," he said, so painfully shy Dave just wanted to shake him and tell him to grow a pair.

"If you're new here, how'd you know me?" Dave asked, with honest confusion.

"Um, I was told about you. Gamzee told me there was a blonde guy named Dave who was the coolest guy here, and um, I assumed it was you," Tavros mumbled, looking to the ground.

Gamzee. The stoner guy. Dave still wasn't sure if Gamzee was that guy's real name. It couldn't be, no one in their right mind would name a kid Gamzee. Unless, of course, his parents were stoners like him. Dave didn't say anything to Tavros, instead he simply nodded in an approving manner. By this time, they had made their way to the large square field of dirt that was used for a variety of gym games, one of which including kick ball. The teams were already being split, with two of the large, sweaty guys choosing teams. Dave recognized one, Equius Zahack. Yet another poor soul cursed with a pathetically horrible name. His parents were horse trainers or something of the likes, and decided that _Equius _of all things would be a good thing to name their son. Had Equius not been so goddamn strong and scary, he most likely would have been bullied all though school about his horrible name.

Almost immediately after Dave had come into the line of boys, he was chosen by Equius himself to be on his team. Dave made his way slowly over to the large group of boys, shoving and yelling much the same as they had been in the gym. The rest of the team was split, and they went to the field to play. To be honest, Dave wasn't paying that much attention to the game. He stuck to the outfield, in a far off position the ball rarely ever dared to enter. When he went up to kick, he didn't kick it far, but far enough he could make it to the first base.

When Coach Allgood blew his whistle and yelled for them to come in, that's when Dave got nervous. He was sweaty. He needed a shower. He couldn't shower though, not with the other guys. They didn't even have curtains in the locker room showers, there was no way. Again, Dave chose to stay far behind the massive pack of students, thinking over ways he could shower without being noticed. When he finally reached the locker room, most of the guys were filing out. Again, he and Tavros were the only two left. He assumed Tavros stayed back because of his small, quite bully-able stature. Dave looked over at him while they were changing, he had small, jagged ribs that stuck out when he lifted his arms. His back was spotted with acne, as was his face. He was positively pathetic in build, but that was fine with Dave.

Tavros went over to the shower, glancing at Dave, not noticing that Dave was looking back at him from the corner of his eye. _Maybe I can trust this kid..._ Dave thought to himself. His heart beat at the thought of someone other than his brother knowing, but what choice did he really have? It was either tell this guy or spend the rest of the school year smelling like a dirty armpit for six periods a day.

Dave sucked in a deep breath of air. "Hey Tav, you any good at keeping secrets?"

Tavros looked up at Dave, water running down his face. "I guess, uh, yeah?" He said back, with a bit more volume than he had had earlier. He seemed to be more comfortable around Dave. Who knew, maybe Dave was the only guy other than the stoner who had talked to Tav. "I-if there's something you don't want me to tell people, I won't..." he continued.

With that, Dave took off the undershirt. "What's that?" Tavros asked almost nervously, pointing to the zip-up binder Dave was wearing.

"This is gonna be our little secret," Dave replied, unzipping it. Tavros' eyes went wider as he saw Dave's chest. Quickly Dave pulled his sweaty gym shorts and boxers off as well, looking at Tavros. "I swear to god, if you tell anyone I'll beat your ass," Dave said calmly. Tavros nodded in response, averting his eyes from Dave. They showered in silence, not daring to look at one another.


End file.
